One Woman’s Weblog

I had class this morning.  Did I mention I’m applying to nursing school?  Well… I should say I have applied to nursing school.  As of February 1st.  So right now I’m playing the waiting game while I finish my last semester of pre-requisites.  I started working towards my goal in the spring of 2006.  It’s been a bit of a rough road…. Just as I was going to apply to the RN program in Arizona, my husband got an excellent job offer in Virginia.  Transferring over here was a pain, and of course there were class requirements here that weren’t needed in AZ.  SO….I’m just about caught up.  Applications are in and competition is stiff.  Wish me luck!

I am completely over this Vagina-Drama.  There’s more to the story.  Kimbra is the grand-poobah-fatass-ringleader of a monthly ladies-night-out group I’ve gone to a few times.  It was started by the volleyball group before I even moved to the area.  Even after they met me and played ball with me… it took awhile before they actually invited me to the blessed event.  According to one of them they wanted to “wait and see” whether or not to invite me.  Whatever.  I’ve never felt completely comfortable at these events.  It’s hard for a younger, liberal, agnostic woman to fit in with older, judgmental, so-called “Christian” women.  And when I say young I’m probably about 10 years younger on average.  Now that Kimbra is openly nasty with me, I really don’t want to attend anymore.  So totally not worth my time.  Unfortunately, I’m signed up to host it in March.  How can I gracefully bow out?  Without Kimbra gloating.

My husband flew to Atlanta this morning for a business trip.  I generally look forward to a couple of days on my own while he’s gone… but this time I just feel cranky.  Not PMS cranky… but try to avoid talking to me because I don’t like people right now cranky.  It’s really unfair to him because we all know that my crankiness is a direct result of the snub from Kimbra last week and this morning.  It’s amazing how one nasty person can really affect your general outlook on life.  See?  I’m still upset about it! I really do have a problem developing close relationships with women.  It must be something inside myself.  I am really flabbergasted when I see groups of women who put up with the in-fighting, back-stabbing and nastiness.  Why bother??  My direct (and sometimes aggressive) way of dealing with things is usually never received well.  Dealing with men seems so much easier.  I want to keep future female relationships on a strictly social level.  Absolutely NO getting too close.  My family is really all the super-close relationships I need, right?  And my husband has always been my best friend….. 

I am an approval seeker, and am not sure why.  Why do I waste a minute of my life wondering why people don’t like me?  I ask myself “Why are they mad?  What did I do wrong?”  When the truth is…. some people just plain don’t like me.  And that should be enough for me to know. Consider Kimbra.  A woman in my neighborhood. We’ve had a run-in in the past that left me confused and upset.  Months have passed, and though I always stayed wary of her, I thought we’d moved past it.  Last week, I’d recovered enough from my ankle injury to start playing volleyball again.  Kimbra was there and I got the distinct feeling I was receiving the cold shoulder from her.  I was bothered… but thought I might be overreacting.  This morning however, I made a small joke (not at anyone’s expense) and she completely blew up said “I’m not fighting with you Stacey” and stormed off.  And I’m actually upset about it.  Why?  Her reaction was completely unjustified.  She’s not my friend… I never really got past the nastiness she directed my way in the past… and frankly she’s a bit of a bitch.